‘Nuff Said September 17, 2009

I received this in an e-mail today & I couldn’t resist the yrge to share….. And people wonder why this isn’t my favorite place to shop:

The People Of…

  Those shoes are not blue nor are they suede.
 

How am I supposed to slap a ho without an essential part of my balanced breakfast? 
 
Nothing says sanitary like a parrot in the produce section… 
 
“What are you wearing sexy?” -Cowboy boots. “Ya, that’s hot.” – Pink velour pants.
“Ya I like that.” – a little green baby girl hoodie. “Oh damn, that sounds sexy.”
– and I kinda look like Gallagher. “Oh ya…wait…what?” 
 
Let’s run through my rock star list…. Mullet? – check; big sunglasses? – check; heart shaped tattoo? – u know I love my mom; Cut jean shorts? – are there any other type of shorts?; wife beater tied at the midriff – check;….. He is an official ROCK STAR! 
 
I think I just sharted… 
 
WTF??? 
 
Is that Rainbow Brite all grown up?? 
 
Is that a soccer ball?  A map of the solar system?  The structure of a sub-atomic particle? 
 
I have absolutely no idea what to say… 
 
Is that a gangster leotard? 
 
Everyone loves the man in the yellow go-go boots! 
 
Nice purse! 
 
Do you see the flame shoes buddy? That means I will not think twice about karate chopping you Into the middle of next week! 
 
AHH! I love the frozen food section… it tingles! 
 
Umm… excuse me, sir… 
 
At least the purse matches, right? 
 
Rawr… 
 
No, honey, it’s an ancient Egyptian symbol of prosperity, I swear! 
 
I was wondering why you suddenly smelled better. 
 
Every man has an NFL jersey AND pink short-shorts in their wardrobe, right? 
 
I have the same outfit, only in red. 
 
Just in case you had the urge… 
 
Now all we need is Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem for a reunion tour. 
 
Yes, you are seeing that correctly.  Old man + large, supple breast implants.

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes September 14, 2009

I know it’s been a while. Life got in the way of my blogging. AHHHHHH! So much has been going on that I would not have been surprised if my head had exploded! But here is the biggest news since I’ve been gone.

So….. The Hubby is officially in the US Army. He will be leaving for training in Missouri in January. The kids and I will be moving in with my parents until he is out of training in May. Yes, that’s right…. I am 29, married, 2 kids, 2 dogs, mortgage and I’m going to be living with my parents for the first time since I was a teenager. Luckily my parents have mellowed significantly since then, but I still will miss having my own space. Don’t get me wrong, they are going above and beyond what they need to do as my parents. they didn’t have to volunteer their home and their assistance but they did so graciously and kindly. I’ll be forever greatful. But I’m going to miss my house.

Mostly what i find myself daydreaming about is where we will be stationed once he is done with training. I’ve looked over the list of locations countless times. There are places I prefer over others, but the only place that I would be upset about is Korea. I don’t have anything against Korea, I would love to be able to give my kids the opportunity to experience another culture for a couple of years, but that is the problem…… If the hubs has to go to Korea, we can’t go with him. So that means a 3 year tour of him in one country and us in another. I’m not exactly sure how expensive it is to fly one grown woman and 2 pre-teen children to Korea, but I’m assuming it’s more than $500 which is our normal vacation budget. So I spend a lot of time thinking “Anywhere but Korea. Anywhere but Korea.” We’ll see if my chant brings us luck.

In related news, I had to give notice at work last week. I was not excited for 2 main reasons:
1. I really like my job.
2. We’re in a recession people! Not the best time to be giving up a perfectly stable job.

If only I could do this job from California.

The kids weren’t excited to move at first. But then my daughter met her 4th grade teacher when school started a couple of weeks ago, and let’s just say neither of us were impressed. This lady is rude and can’t hide it…. not exactly a quality you look for in an elementary school teacher. My son is now happy to move because his middle school teachers are a mixed bag. Some good, some not so great and he’s willing to risk getting a worse batch in California just to be away from it here.

Well, I guess I should get back to my job. I’ll write again soon!

One of the Plagues? April 23, 2009

So here is something nobody bothered to tell me about Las Vegas. Apparently we have a “locust season”. It comes around every 5 years and the city is overrun by grasshoppers. I found this out the hard way when I showed up in the parking garage at work. Upon exiting my vehicle I saw an odd pattern on the ground. This pattern was actually a carpet of grasshoppers. I started walking to the elevator and grasshoppers were jumping in front of me in a kind of frenzied way that resembled popcorn popping. I made it all the way to the elevator. The doors closed around me and when I looked up I was face to face with a cluster of the suckers. On the ride down they minded their own business so I did the same. Then I heard a sound like tapping on metal. I look up and there are grasshoppers above my head trying to come down through the metal grate in the ceiling.

I have never wished for an elevator ride to be over and be in the security of my office more than I did at that moment.

Nobody has yet been able to give me an approximate end date of this “locust season”. Wish me luck.

Do you smell that?…. It’s change. April 5, 2009

I have recently neglected this blog. So Sorry! You know how life can get in the way. Well, life may soon be changing for me and my little family, I’ll update later if anything comes of this….. don’t worry, it’s a good thing Actually, I smell adventure!
For now I’ll leave you with this quote:

 

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. – Alan Cohen

Maid of Honor wasn’t made of honor. March 27, 2009

The other day somebody was asking me about my wedding. We spoke back and forth about our fond memories, the funny moments and the wonderful things we will never forget. Then she said that her one regret was on of her bridesmaids. The funny thing about that is that this is the exact thing that I regret. My Maid of Honor (MOH) was my best friend at the time (we’ll call her A). I thought that we were so close that it would be a wonderful experience to be able to have her at my side for all of these memories. Now, I just wish I had gone with somebody else.

It’s a crappy feeling to regret any part of the happiest day of your life. Among other things she cancelled the only weekend we could do my Bachelorette Party to go away for the weekend with her boyfriend, she never came through with any of her promises to help me pick out a dress, etc. She even left my reception half way through. My other friends, the ones I essentially passed over because I thought A and I were such great friends, felt so bad for me that they tried to make up for it when they could….. they even took me out the night before the wedding to just hang out and talk to make up for my lack of Bachelorette Party (which she didn’t show up to either)….. One of my cousins even offered to get a $1,000 airplane ticket to fly to me from Puerto Rico so I wouldn’t have to do it all by myself.

One of the problems I know is that A didn’t like my now husband. The sad part is that her dislike is misplaced and baseless. My husband got on her bad side by defending her honor against her now ex-boyfriend (we’ll call him N). He did it out of loyalty to me, because honestly, it was the first time he was meeting A so he didn’t know her enough to really care. But the first time N had the chance to bad mouth A behind her back to my husband, he took it (literally 5 minutes after meeting him while they were sitting on my balcony by themselves). He told my husband that he was only dating A so that he would have someone to have sex with until he got back together with his ex-girlfriend. My husband told him that he had no respect for him and wanted nothing to do with him because a real man would never treat a woman that way (I guess my husband could have done the polite thing and not said a word…. just nod and smile….. but he’s not that kind of guy. If somebody is being completely inappropriate he has to say something). The rest of the time they were guests in my home my husband chose not to associate himself with N. A took this personally and decided then and there that she didn’t like him. She defended N’s actions even the next night when he started bad-mouthing A in front of me when she was asleep downstairs. I didn’t think that she deserved to be treated that way, I was very protective of her, but she new all about him and chose to stay with him, so I supported her right to make her own choice. Because A was so crappy to my husband after he defended her, my husband essentially decided “Screw this. Why am I going to make an effort with somebody that is going to get mad at me for defending them?” And honestly, I didn’t blame him. He didn’t know her like I did, she never gave him the chance to get to know her because she was too busy defending N’s “honor” (and I use the term loosely because my opinion to this day is that he had none). So, he never put himself out there with her again. He had been burned once and he wasn’t going to put any more effort into it. On top of that he was upset that she wasn’t helping me with anything like she had promised to and I was sad about it (he doesn’t like people upsetting me).

When this whole situation came to a head we exchanged e-mails. This was when I decided that I didn’t need this in my life. Life was changing rapidly for me and while my other friends were supportive and excited for me, she was rude and demanding. One of her comments was that lately I had been “Acting like everything was perfect”…… Ummmmm, excuse me I believe you were at my wedding a couple of weeks ago, you know that happiest day of my life so far, the day I married the man that makes me feel loved unconditionally and would do anything for me, I just came back from a 10 day honeymoon in paradise….. shouldn’t I be on cloud 9? It’s not called a honeymoon period for nothing. Wouldn’t it be a little strange if the only thing I could think to talk about weeks after my wedding is how horrible my life is? That’s when I realized that the problem wasn’t with me. Part of the misunderstanding was my fault…. I was a scatterbrained fool that accidentally mailed her necklace to my cake decorator (left the little box in the big box….whoops!), had to get it back, so on top of the delay of thinking my hubby had already sent it for me, it got delayed even more. I apologized for that, I didn’t try to cover up my stupidity or blame it on the postal service,  but honestly….. it was a necklace. She flipped out, acted inappropriately….. I apologized for my end and she had the audacity to come back at me with this, among other ridiculous things. I was done. I decided that I was going to let go of the friendship before the situation got any worse. I wanted to keep a few good memories of our time together and that would all go away if we kept on with this back and forth.

I knew for a long time that she had the potential to be really mean to people, but she had never directed it towards me. But now it was starting to head my way….. My friends tell me that she was acting this way  because she was jealous (they even gave my husband a “Good for you” for standing up to N because when they met him they saw all the same things everybody else saw…. a guy that was using A and A letting him get away with it). She was always focused on finding the man she was going to marry, and while I liked being in relationships I was never focused on marriage. I was happy being independent and being satisfied with who I was on my own. I collected wedding stuff (and still love a great wedding magazine and wedding essentials website), but because I like weddings in general….. I mean, for crying out loud, I ended up becoming an event coordinator specializing in weddings. I’m sure all of you know at least one of these….. The girl that is convinced every guy is “THE” guy even if it is obvious to everybody and their brother that he isn’t even on the same continent as “THE” guy.

Maybe she was upset that most of her friends were engaged or married, but she always thought that she would at least get married before me….. as long as she had me as a friend she thought she wouldn’t be the LAST one to get married. And when that didn’t happen maybe it upset her.

I would like to think that it wasn’t that. I hope that she was genuinely happy for me and wasn’t standing by my side at my wedding upset, but the way that she was acting really made me question that.

To this day I wish her nothing but the best. I honestly hope her life turns out to be everything she wants it to be plus more…. and if she reached out to me needing something I would be there for her 100%, but I don’t think we could ever be that close again….. or maybe I thought we were closer than she ever did.

But, anyway other than that I loved my wedding. Yay pretty weddings!

Plan it. March 26, 2009

There are parts of my job that I love and parts of my job that I could live without. What do I do for a living you may ask? Well, I plan. I’ve always been a planner in my personal life, so when the opportunity arose to plan for a living I jumped on it. Most of the business I get is corporate…. meetings, conventions, etc. The majority of the people I work with prefer this type of business. I, on the other hand, prefer the social business. By that I mean weddings, reunions, birthday parties, etc. I like the joy of the occasion. Because of my love of all things happy I have officially been dubbed “The Wedding Lady” at the office. I am the one that represents my venue at the bridal shows, I field the calls from anxious and excited brides, and I have all the linen swatches, cake pictures and centerpiece ideas in my office..

Now the part of my job I love are the details that I know will make the event gorgeous. I like being asked for my input on the colors, the flowers, the cake, etc. the part I don’t like, the attitudes some women can get, the so-called “Bridezillas”. I don’t mind dealing with women that are picky or expect a lot. I mind the rude one’s… the one’s that think of me as their personal servant, the one’s that think I shouldn’t be allowed to take a day off for the 8 months leading up to their wedding. They don’t understand that I take extreme pride in making their event work in our venue, I want their wedding to be visually stunning, I want them to be happy. I do not, however, want to end up in the hospital with exhaustion because I can’t take a day to myself.

Sometimes, in this blog, I will share resources I have come across that may help with your planning if you happen to be planning a wedding yourself.

Idea #1:

Don’t know what to do for the centerpieces or the cake? Why not consider having a decorated cake at the center of each table? Have a small 2-tier cake to have in your pictures, to cut and feed to each other, but for your guests have a cake in the center of the table. It can save in many different ways.

 

 

 

 

 

If you have your heart set on flowers in the center of the table, but your budget doesn’t allow for large, full floral centerpieces, try something like this:

Not a fan of flowers? Try something like this:

 

 

You can have something Victorian or Traditional:

Or something more modern or ethnic:

 

Have a theme for your wedding? Try incorporating it into themed cake centerpieces:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Any questions? Let me know. I’d be glad to toss around ideas with you. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As The Cupcake Bakes….. March 26, 2009

My daughter recently celebrated her 9th Birthday. I was tired of the standard pizza party, miniature gold party, etc. Been there, done that. I wanted to do something at home, I decided. My grand idea:

A CUPCAKE BAKING PARTY!

I must say it was a hit. The girls had a blast! Here is a setup shot. For the party favors I wanted to make sure they stuck with the theme. I used oven mits as gift bags. Inside I included a whisk, a decorative silicone pastry scraper, cookie cutters, a small recipe book and a few other odds and ends. I put that in their large red mixing bowls (which they got to keep), the box of cake mix and measuring cup set. I put the different toppings and icings on the table. Here a glimpse:

The table set-up just before the party

 (Sorry the time stamp is wrong….. I just keep forgetting to turn that off before I use my camera….. silly me!)

Here is helpful tip: If you ever find yourself without a frosting bag, take a sandwich bag (or larger), fill it with the frosting, zip it shut, snip a bottom corner off. You now have yourself a pastry bag

I do have multiple pastry bags, but I had 10 different shades of buttercream frosting so the girls could get creative….. I don’t have THAT many pastry bags!

The girls had a n awesome time mixing and pouring the batter. While waiting for the cupcakes to bake I let the girls decorate their own denim aprons with iron on letter and gems (I did the ironing) and fabric paint pens.

After the cupcakes cooled they got to decorating.

And after the decorating was done it was time for cake. That is when I got to unveil my masterpiece. All my coworkers and family members know that baking is kind of a passion of mine. I pride myself on being able to successfully bake almost anything. So for the munchkins Birthday I went all out. I decided, what better for a cupcake baking party than a cake shaped like a gigantic cupcake. So here it is:

6-layer Neopolitan cake.

 

This cake was 6 layers, and it was built like this (from bottom to top): I started with a layer of chocolate cake, then a layer of my secret recipe chocolate – chocolate chip buttercream icing, then a layer of strawberry cake, another layer of chocolate – chocolate chip buttercream, a layer of vanilla cake, a layer of regular vanilla homemade buttercream, another chocolate cake layer, chocolate – chocolate chip buttercream, strawberry cake, chocolate – chocolate chip buttercream, and finallly the last layer of vanilla cake. I then shaved down the sides at an angle so it would look as if it were baked in a gigantic cupcake tin. I used colored buttercream to stripe the sides and make it look like a cupcake liner. I smoothed icing over the top then put rainbow jimmies (or “sprinkles” for those of you that don’t speak New England). A dollop of icing on the top finished it off. The girls eyes were huge when they saw it. And I must say that my cake recipe did not disappoint, the cake was moist and flavorful.

So that was my kids Birthday Party Extravaganza.

Anybody have any other great ideas they want to share? Let me know

The Walking Dead-ish March 24, 2009

So, the trip to Six Flags I mentioned in A previous post went exceedingly well. My son spent the entire day with a Kool Aid grin on his face. But now I am at work and exhausted. I have even resorted to an energy drink (I never have those). I am so tired that I’ve pushed beyond “sleepy” and have become the walking semi-concious. This should be an interesting day at the office

I’ll write more later…… if I’m not passed out from exhaustion on my couch.

Love it! HI – larious! March 22, 2009

If these were real, the lowly newspaper reporter that wrote them would be my hero for the day

Weddings

The nuptials Saturday of Christopher Winterbourne and Heidi Walsh screamed David’s Bridal, and not in a good way.

 

Obituaries

Kim Martiz, 32, died Tuesday while giving birth. She is survived by triplets Kay, Kerri, and Kassie and her husband, Kyle, who is scared shitless.

 

Brought to you through me from the people at “The Onion”

Pups March 22, 2009

I have a beautiful daughter. And I’m not just saying that… she’s been blessed genetically (and I can say that humbly because, as her stepmother, I have contributed absolutely nothing to her genetic make-up). Case in point the picture below. This is a picture of the kids after I got them ready for 50’s day at camp:

Mommies little greasers

 

My little girl is a character and she just cracks me up….. that is when she is behaving, ‘cuz let’s be honest she is 9. And how do we spell nine? T-R-O-U-B-L-E. But she is a sweetheart most of the time.

Desi & Me

 

Then there was the day that my heart stopped for a second because we came close to losing her.

 

We were at a (now former) friends house and we were all gathered upstairs in the game room. Their dog came up to my daughter, nudged her hand and tucked her head under my daughter’s palm. She obliged and started petting the dog. I look over at her, and just as I do the dog lunges forward and attacks her face. I sprang from my seat faster than I knew I could and threw my whole body at the dog. I knocked it out of the way, my husband launched at the dog with fury as I tended to our little girl. The dog bit completely through her bottom lip, through the side of her nose, and she had a deep gash right below her eye. I covered her face with my hands trying to slow down as much of the bleeding as possible but I knew we had to get moving. My girl has a bleeding disorder, she bleeds profusely in her mucus membranes, we are talking hour long nose bleeds that make her look like a human blood fountain (blood gushing out like a hose to the beat of her heart). We jumped in the car and i held her in my arms as my hubby raced us to the nearest emergency room. By the time we got to the hospital I looked like i had bathed in her blood….. Luckily the doctors managed to give her the medicine that would force her blood to start clotting, and we were ok in general. We are no longer friends with the couple that own the dog. We tried, but they refused to get rid of the dog even though it had attacked a child and they had two small children of their own. They never even called to see if she was ok. Later we found out they got rid of the dog after it tried to bite their two year old son, and then tried to bite the mom…… but they never let us know, we had to learn that from another family friend.

 

Here is the damage a few days after the attack:

 

So, all dog owners I tell you this. Please do not allow an aggressive pet to remain in your house. I have two dogs and I love them both to pieces, but if one of them were to try to attack my child they would be gone. It would be heart breaking and I would probably cry, but it comes down to this: I am not ashamed to say that I value the life of my child over the life of my pet. If my house was on fire and I had the choice: save your kids or save your dogs, the answer is easy. So it needs to be the same with aggressive pets. There are alternatives. If you have a pet that is only aggressive towards children, take them to the nearest no-kill shelter and let them know that the dog needs to be adopted into an adult only home.

Take it from me, the reality of the situation is scary.